An Apology To My Drysuit

Dear Drysuit,

I know I peed in you during this past dive trip in Florida, I’m so sorry. I feel I should offer some sort of explanation to how this unfortunate situation occurred. I just really really had to go and the boat was far far away. I wasn’t going to make it.  I needed some relief. At first I thought, “ I’ll just pee a little”, just enough to make my bladder happy, just enough that maybe people won’t notice when the dive is over while I’m taking you off. “ It will be absorbed mostly by my cloths and it will dry fast”, I thought. The back of dive boats are a wet places, people will think I just bumped into some wet gear. I talked myself into it being a justifiable decision.

So I just started to pee. It felt great, so great. The stress and anxiety, I felt due to the discomfort and concern of the social stigma that,  “Adults don’t pee their pants”, vanished with the cozy warm saturation spreading across my pants. I just closed my eyes, exhaled bubbles and enjoyed the mess I was creating. I was in the “Now”. I wasn’t thinking about the future. It was a “ Pee High” and I was going to ride it out.  But my plan to just pee a little, just enough to stop that aching discomfort, went out the window. I was going full throttle and I wasn’t going to stop now, no way man. The floodgates were open. I don’t even think it was physically possible to stop.  I could feel the drysuit filling up.  It was traveling down my legs, moving up to my belly. The warmth was on move, it kept travelling, because I just kept going. Soon my toes were warm and my nipples too. And then it stopped. My bladder was empty and my drysuit nearly full.

Thinking about it, it’s not really my fault.  The boat although I could see it through water, was too far off.  I wasn’t going to make it. The marine head on the boat was broken, so I’d have to take off my drysuit, strip off my dry cloths to my undies and jump into the sea to pee. I could take a wizz of the back of the boat you say, no not possible the captain said, “ Pee in the water not on it”.

Plus, there were sharks. Yes, the first sharks I’ve ever seen in the wild. They were so beautiful. Gliding through the water effortlessly. I was transfixed. Going back to the boat and missing the shark action was not going to happen.

So in summary, it was inevitable, I was going to pee in you. There was no other option. I will consider diapers next time…

Keep Your Feet Wet,

Brian