An Apology To My Regulator

Dear Regulator,

First off, I’m so sorry I threw up in/through you! I feel just horrible; actually sick to my stomach about it. I lost control of the nausea; my urge to vomit overwhelmed my control, my stomach started to heave, I just let it all out and that disgusting brownish yellow cloud fogged out my visibility as I floated in the surf. I felt so much better.

You have my complete trust. You keep me safe underwater and I show my faith in our friendship with this disrespectful vomitous gesture. An apology is certainly in order. Who throws up in/on a friend?

First, let me explain what happened.  I had a big breakfast. These resort buffets always trick me into loading up those plates. I behave like I’ve been castaway on a tropical island, surviving solely on coconuts and sand crabs. Seeing those fluffy pancakes, crispy multitude of breakfast meats and that wondrous omelet station, I just can’t help myself and I do it all.  Listen it’s not my fault; they serve dessert at breakfast. Am I supposed to not have a piece of chocolate cake, strawberry tart and a cinnamon roll with my coffee? Come on, it’s perfectly reasonable given the situation.

On top of the buffet issues, I’ve been cursed my entire life with a sensitive tummy. I was known amongst the school parent brigade as kid that always threw up in your car. A barf bag is necessary if road tripping with little Brian, not because it might happen but because it certainly will. Many trips ended with a parent’s comforting but slightly annoyed tone, “ I wish you had asked me to pull over”. But pride is involved. No one wants to be known as the “Puker Kid”, “ The Vomitor” or “Mr. Barf Bag”.

I’ve very glad you pulled through for me; kept me breathing easily through my convulsions. But it’s really not my fault, now that I think about it.

Keep Your Feet Wet!

Brian